Bad Choices
by Steffie93
Summary: A/U. Set 3x13 onwards. Gail and Sam are left drinking 'alone' in the Penny when Andy and Nick go UC. What if they made a mistake, and went home together? Where would that leave all four of them? How would it change the start of season 4? Will Andy and Nick ever be able to forgive them? (Rating may go up for later chapters)
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I'm expecting that this will be a mightily unpopular concept, but I couldn't get it out of my head so I thought I'd write it anyway. Leave your rants in the review box, let it rip!**

***Disclaimer* I do not own Rookie Blue.**

* * *

Sam sat at the bar in the Penny, a melancholy look on his face. The barman placed two shots in front of him, which he fiddled with, tipping some from one into the other to even them out. He looked towards the door longingly when he felt a gust of cold air as someone walked in.

Not her.

He looked back at the bar, releasing a heavy sigh.

The door opened again. Peck.

She shot a small polite smile in his direction as she walked toward the bar, scanning the heads in the crowd as she moved.

'What are you…drinking alone?' she asked Sam as she passed him.

He threw another brief glance at the door before replying resignedly, 'Looks that way.'

Gail bit her lip and smiled again.

'Have you seen Nick at all?' she asked him.

'Uhhhh, no. Sorry,' Sam said, taking a cursory look around the room in case he'd missed seeing him come in.

A look of disappointment swept over Gail's face.

'You know what, lets celebrate,' Sam suggested, passing one of his shots to Gail. 'Until Nick gets here,' he added as an after thought.

'Alright,' Gail said without hesitating, taking the shot from his grasp. 'But only because you look so lonely and pathetic here by yourself.'

Sam chuckled softly. 'Tell me again why the rookies don't like you?' he asked, clinking their glasses together and downing the shot.

Gail smiled and drank hers too. They tapped their glasses back down onto the bar. She looked across as Sam. He was going to say something, he opened his mouth, but then changed his mind.

'Another?' Gail asked, nodding towards the empty glasses.

Sam looked around again. 'Why the hell not' he replied, and called over the barman.

* * *

Numerous shots later, Gail was finding it difficult to stay on her stool. Sam was half slumped on the bar, twisting his glass in circles.

'You know the problem with men,' Gail slurred, 'they always think they know what's best for us.' She paused. 'But they don't really know anything at all' she concluded.

'Is that right?' Sam asked chuckling again.

'Yes.' Gail said, matter of factly. 'Take Nick. Six years ago he asked me to marry him, and then he ran away to Afghanistan. Just ran away.'

'I know why he did it,' she mused. Sam raised an eyebrow at her. 'He did it because he got scared. But you know what his excuse was…he said I'd be better off without him.' She stopped and stared at Sam for a while. 'And now apparently he's done the same thing again. I mean, do I look better off without him Sam?' she slurred.

Sam looked at her and playfully squinted as if he was judging the way she looked. She bumped him on the arm with her fist. He smiled.

'Give it a rest, Peck. You're not the only one that got stood up tonight.'

Gail didn't respond. 'I really thought she'd come, you know' Sam mused.

She rested her hand on his arm. 'You should go home Sam, you're…drunk' she stumbled on the last word.

'So are you,' he laughed at her. She hopped down from her stool, holding onto the bar to steady herself.

'Come on Romeo, lets find us a cab.' She suggested, as Sam hauled himself to his feet.

* * *

They tripped out of the bar and tried to hail a cab. Gail leant against Sam on the sidewalk, partly to stop herself from falling and partly because it was cold. She hadn't brought a jacket to the bar and the wind was biting at her exposed arms.

'You cold?' Sam asked as a taxi pulled up beside them.

'Yes,' Gail replied, shivering right on cue. He rubbed his hands up and down her arms quickly, trying to warm her with the friction. 'Come on,' he said and pointed to the cab. They climbed in the back and Gail shuffled right up to his side. Sam threw an arm around her back and pulled her closer.

Sam shouted an address at the driver, but Gail couldn't tell if it was hers or his. She tilted her face to look at Sam just as he turned his towards her. Their lips brushed accidentally, and Gail pulled back as she realised how close they had got to one another. She looked into Sam's eyes and saw the pain of rejection staring back at her. She stopped thinking. She leaned in and kissed him, trying to take the pain away. She hoped he would do the same for her. And he did.

* * *

Gail rolled over as she woke up. She took a breath in through her nose and immediately knew something was wrong. Where was she? She sat up nervously and let her eyes adjust to her surroundings. Flashbacks from last night assaulted her from every direction. Being in the bar with Sam, waiting for Nick. Drinking so much that she almost fell off her stool. Getting a cab. Kissing Sam.

She froze and looked down to her right. Lying on his front, snoring quietly, was Sam Swarek.

What the hell had she done!?

* * *

She jabbed him in the ribs to wake him up.

'Sam' she hissed as he stirred slowly.

'What?' he murmured.

She jabbed him again for good measure.

He rolled over and saw her sat there, naked but for the sheet she was clutching around her, a look of panic on her face.

'What the hell!?' she asked nervously.

Sam groaned and buried his face in his pillow, head pounding.

'You cannot be serious' he moaned into the covers.

Gail seized the opportunity to jump from the bed and start rummaging for her clothes. She found them somewhat scattered around the room. She pulled them on hastily.

She paused by the door. 'What do we do?' she asked him.

He rolled over and sat up. 'Nothing' he croaked.

'Nothing?' she questioned. 'You want to pretend like nothing happened?'

He nodded and raised a hand as if to say '_What else do you suggest?_'

'You want me to lie to Nick, again. And to Andy?'

'Would you rather we told them?' he quipped sarcastically.

She thought about it for a moment. It was a horrible thought.

'I'd rather none of this had happened' she said, gesturing between the two of them.

'So do I, but unfortunately I can't turn back time Peck!' he bit at her.

She closed her eyes, exasperated, before spinning on her toes and leaving the room. She found he way to the front door in his unfamiliar house, and let herself out.

_Shit shit shit shit shit_ she thought to herself. Why did she always do this!?

* * *

**Just want to clarify that I do not condone their actions, and in no way ship Sam with Gail. But I thought this would be fun to write. **


	2. Chapter 2

**So it looks like a lot of you had considered this idea, not just me! Glad you enjoyed the first chapter, thank you so so much for your reviews. I was unconvinced whether I should write a second part, but you convinced me. So here it is!**

***Disclaimer*: I do not own Rookie Blue.**

* * *

'Hello?' Traci answered her phone groggily. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand and saw it was only a half hour before her alarm was supposed to go off, but even thirty minutes made a difference to her at the moment, she was just so tired all the time.

'Traci? It's Gail.'

Traci heard a sniff and a gulp come through the phone as she sat up, more alert now.

'Gail are you crying?' she asked, surprised.

'Umm, no. Well, yes. Maybe a little bit,' Gail replied shyly.

'Why? You never cry!'

'I did something Trace. And now I don't know what to do,' she whined pathetically down the phone at her friend.

'Do you want me to come round?'

'No I'm not at home. Could you come pick me up?' Gail pleaded.

'Where _are_ you?' Traci questioned.

Gail told her the name of the street she was stood on. Traci didn't recognise it as anywhere she knew, but she agreed to get Gail and hung up saying she wouldn't be long. This had to be bad. Gail wouldn't call her for a lift unless she was really desperate. And crying too! Traci was worrying already.

A while later, Traci and Gail were sat opposite each other in the booth of a cheap diner. It was quite, it was very early. Gail had stopped crying and was wiping her eyes on a tissue.

'She's actually going to kill me. Someone will tell her and then she'll pull that wounded face she's got, and then she'll kill me. And I won't blame her.'

'Gail, you have completely lost me. From the minute you got in my car you've been mumbling and whining and its driving me crazy! Will you just _tell me_, please.'

Gail braced herself. 'I slept with someone last night.'

Traci's expression didn't change.

'Someone who wasn't Nick,' Gail added, trying to get her point across.

Traci got it then. She moved her mouth into an 'Oh' shape and looked pityingly at Gail.

'And you're worried what Nick's going to do when he finds out?'

Gail shook her head.

'Okay then you've lost me again.'

'I'm worried what Andy will do.'

Traci looked more confused than ever. 'But there's nothing going on between Nick and Andy, or am I missing something?'

'God do I really have to spell it out for you Traci?' Gail said getting more and more uncomfortable. 'I slept with Swarek last night.'

It was quiet for a long time.

'Wow Gail. I knew you had a talent for screwing things up sometimes, but that it major. Why the hell would you do that?'

'I don't know!' she replied, looking down at her hands, wringing them together on the table top. 'I was _very_ drunk.'

'But it didn't mean anything, right?'

'Do you really think I'd be sat her feeling so guilty if it meant something? You know me Traci. If I'd wanted to sleep with Sam I would have just done it ages ago. I'm not really a girl code kind of person.'

'Obviously!' was all Traci could say. 'You are right though, Andy will kill you when she finds out. What did Sam say?'

'He thinks we shouldn't tell her, or Nick. He wants to pretend it didn't happen.'

'But you're not going to do that, right? You know they'll find out eventually….' Traci probed.

'I don't know Traci. I just keep thinking that maybe it would hurt less for everyone if they didn't find out.'

'Great,' Traci whined. 'So now you've told me and you're going to expect me to lie to my best friend as well?'

Gail just smiled a timid smile at her. 'I had to tell someone!' was her only defence.

* * *

Waiting for parade to start felt like the longest ten minutes of Gail's life. She didn't know what she was dreading more, seeing Sam or seeing Nick and Andy. She sat at a table on her own, nursing a coffee, waiting for her fellow officers to trickle into the room and take their seats. Before she knew it, Frank was standing at the front starting his speech for the day. Gail still hadn't looked up. She didn't want to know if they were there yet. When she thought Frank was finished she went to stand up, as did a lot of the others, but he called for them to stay in their seats just a little bit longer.

'Now as you all know, Detective Callaghan was responsible for collating an undercover team over the last few weeks. You may have noticed that we are two officers short this morning. I'm sure you're all smart enough to realise where they are. I can't tell you anything about their task, or how long they'll be gone, but I can say that they'll be missed, I'm sure. So for now, work hard, we have to make up for them leaving. Don't get slack, today of all days. Now get out there, be safe, serve and protect.'

People began to mill around the room, scanning the faces of the officers present, figuring out who was missing.

Inside Gail already knew. It was too much of a coincidence. She and Sam had been waiting for Nick and Andy in the bar, and neither of them had shown up. She hadn't known Nick had applied for undercover work, but she knew in her heart that he had gone. She could feel it.

A few seconds passed before Dov tapped her on the shoulder. 'Hey Peck, we're up,' he said, meaning that they were partnered for the day. She nodded at him and told him she'd meet him by the squad car.

Out in the corridor Gail leaned her back against the wall, feeling the cold of it seep through her shirt and into the skin of her back. She felt as if a weight has been lifted. She wouldn't have to tell them today, or even tomorrow. She had no idea when they would be back. She still felt guilty, but she felt relief more.

Gail caught Sam's eye as he left the parade room. He was wearing the same look she could feel plastered over her own face. They could get away with this. No one had to know.

* * *

Six months later, Gail faced the same stomach-churning feeling she'd had the night after she hooked up with Sam. The previous day both Nick and Andy had been picked up from their undercover job. Everything had gone as well as could be expected apparently, a few hiccups but that was normal. Gail hadn't seen either of them yet, but she knew it was unlikely to be a happy reunion. For all she could tell, Traci might have told Andy already, despite her only being back for a night.

Gail hadn't been in the barn when the two of them first got back, so she wasn't exactly sure if they were there or not. It was only when she heard Nick call her name as she came out of the locker room at the end of the day that she knew he was back. _Act normal, _she told herself. Normal Gail would be angry with Nick for leaving her for six months. So Gail punched Nick in his face the minute she saw him. But the minute she'd done it she regretted it. She threw herself at him, hooking her legs around his waist and hugging her chest close to his. She wanted to savour every single second she had with him before he found out. He carefully dropped her back to the floor and kissed her gently.

'Miss me?' he asked.

'Everyday', Gail replied. Nick smiled and took her hand in his. Giving her a little tug he started them walking towards the yard.

'Penny or straight home?'

'Penny', Nick answered, 'I want to say hello to everyone properly.' Gail pouted. 'We won't stay for long though,' he promised her.

* * *

Meanwhile Andy had made her way into the detectives' office. Traci was stood by her desk fiddling with some papers. They sat and talked for a while before Andy started scanning her eyes around the room and corridors of the department uncontrollably, looking for Sam. Traci sighed, 'He's in the kitchen.' Andy smiled and stood up, giddy like a little girl at the prospect of seeing him again, but also somewhat nervous too. Six months was a long time. She moved towards the door.

'Andy…' Traci called after her. Andy turned to face her friend. Traci looked worried, she thought.

'Yeah?'

'Be careful.'

Andy nodded. Weird, she thought to herself. Be careful? Why would Traci tell her to be careful? It was only Sam! There was only so much damage they could do to one another, and by their track record they'd already inflicted more heartache on each other than should have been possible.

* * *

Andy leant against the door to the kitchen watching Sam make his coffee. He hadn't seen her yet. She'd only been gone for six months but to look at the man in front of her she could have sworn she'd been gone for years. Even from the back he looked different. Thinner, less muscly, exhausted – she could tell from his stance. He turned after a few moments, sensing her eyes on him. She smiled. He didn't. He gasped quietly and took a step back, bumping into the counter and spilling a spot of his coffee down his shirt. He dabbed at it furiously, avoiding eye contact with her.

'What?' she questioned him. 'You're not even gonna say hello?'

He sighed and looked up, 'Hi, McNally.'

She walked the few feet that were separating them and took the coffee from his hand, leaning in closer to him so she could reach behind his back and place it on the counter. She heard his breath catch in his throat when she entered his space. She stood up straight and looked right into his eyes.

'I've been away for six months and that's all I get, 'Hi'?'

He smiled a small dimply smile at her and raised his arms to draw her into a hug. 'I missed you, so much,' he whispered into her ear. Andy smiled and relaxed into his arms.

'I'm so sorry I left you Sam,' she said. He tried to quiet her but she persisted. 'I shouldn't have run away. I want to give us a chance.'

She took a step back and looked up at him. His arms fell back to his sides and Andy saw a flicker of worry flash across his face. He turned round to retrieve his coffee.

'Sam,' she said into his back, 'what's going on?'

He stayed quiet. 'Traci told me to be careful when I came looking for you, and now you're being cagey. Something's going on, isn't it?'

He shook his head briefly and ran his hand over his face.

'Nothing's going on McNally, I just can't do this right now.' Sam said and brushed past her.

A thousand possibilities were running through Andy's mind. She shouted one at him, 'There's someone else?'

Sam spun on his heel. 'No,' he said solemnly, 'never.'

'Then what is it?'

He didn't answer, just turned and walked away.

* * *

Andy walked into the Penny, determined to put her confrontation with Sam out of her mind, but the moment she walked through the door she knew that wouldn't be possible. He was sat at the bar nursing a whiskey, no more than five metres from the table her friends were gathered around. She was going to end up watching and analysing him all night, looking for some kind of clue as to what was going on. She shook her head to try and clear her thoughts and took a seat opposite Gail and Nick with her back to the bar, deliberately blocking her view of Sam. She would still think about him, but she didn't have to look at him while she did it.

The night went slowly, everyone bombarded Nick and Andy with questions about undercover, most of which they couldn't really answer because they weren't supposed to talk about the case. Nobody else had much to talk about, everyone was pretty restless, particularly Gail. Andy had been watching her for a while. She was flicking glances up at the bar quite regularly. Andy figured she must know someone sat up there. She knew it was silly but she couldn't help feeling a little worried at Gail's behaviour. Nick had been so excited to see her, and here she was practically staring at someone else with an anxious look on her face. It was odd.

When it reached ten Andy grabbed her coat and got up to leave. They were right by the back door but Andy was curious to see who Gail had been looking at, so she turned and made her way towards to front of the bar. The only person she recognised was Sam. He made no attempt to look at her as she passed. Andy stopped and glanced back at the table. Gail was staring again. Directly at Sam. Which was even more odd than Andy had been expecting. She didn't move for a moment, just stood a few feet away from Sam, watching Gail watch him. Sam shuffled on his stool, uncomfortable under Gail's stare. Andy blinked and watched the interaction between them. The way Gail was worriedly trying to catch his attention, the way he was trying to avoid eye contact with her, as if she was…..

Andy coughed to draw his attention to her. She needed to see his face, to know that what she thought she was seeing was wrong. Sam turned to look at her, a moment of panic crossing his features. With that one look Andy knew she was right. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe. It felt like someone had taken her heart in their hand and was slowly squeezing. Sam and Gail. Gail and Sam. Something had happened between them. It was in his eyes. She could see it.

* * *

Andy swallowed the lump that had built up in her throat and hurried out of the bar. She made her way around the corner and stopped, leaning back against a wall and taking some deep breaths. She'd been gone for six months. She was stupid to think he'd be waiting for her when she got back. She'd left him. How could she expect Sam to stay away from other women after she hurt him like that. Finding someone else she could sort of understand, he was probably lonely. But Gail. _Gail Peck._ Of all the women in the world, why did he choose her!?

She was still stood there a few minutes later when she saw Sam's truck pull out of the parking lot and come to rest next to the curb in front of her. Sam rolled the window down. She wiped a hand across her face, smudging the tears she hadn't felt fall down her face, trying to compose herself.

'Andy…' he probed gently.

'Leave me along Sam.'

'You're crying,' he accused of her. She didn't say anything. He hopped out of the truck and was stood in front of her before she knew it. She could feel his breath in her face. She could smell the whiskey on him. Just his presence made her shiver. But she refused to react, she had to be strong. He had hurt her, again.

'Andy,' Sam raised a hand and cupped her face, stroking her cheek with his thumb. She twisted her head to release his grip on her.

'Don't,' she said forcefully.

'Andy, what's the matter?' he asked innocently.

'Seriously?,' she exclaimed, 'you're actually going to ignore this right now?'

'Ignore what?'

'The guilty glances between you and Gail this evening. I know something's going on between you two. I can see it in your eyes.'

Sam flinched and turned his head away from her slightly.

'You forget how well I know you Sam Swarek. You might not speak your feelings very well but I got very good at reading what your eyes were telling me, when we were together. I know you' she added. Sam looked at the floor.

'It's not what you think,' he started.

Guilty. Andy thought to herself. He'd as good as confessed it right there. She couldn't hang around to hear more.

Sam grabbed her arm and pulled her back when she tried to walk away.

'Andy it was one night. It didn't mean anything, I swear. I was upset that you left me, I got drunk. She was there. It meant nothing.'

'I don't want to hear this,' Andy pleaded of him.

'I need you to understand,' he implored her, 'I love you Andy. I never stopped loving you. Even when you ran away, again. I was hurt, but I still loved you.'

'Then why the hell would you fuck one of my best friends!?' Andy shouted back at him. Sam recoiled from her instinctively, shocked by the venom in her voice.

'It was a mistake.'

'A mistake?'

Sam nodded.

'And were either of you planning to tell me about this mistake?'

'We didn't want to hurt you.'

'Well that was naïve,' she barked back. 'I could tell the moment I saw you that something wasn't right. And you thought you could just lie to me and that I'd never have to find out. Why? To protect me?'

He took a breath to answer her question but she carried on before he could speak.

'You say you love me Sam, and yet you can sleep with my friend and not feel the need to tell me. You let me work it out for myself!'

'You didn't give me a chance Andy! This is me telling you!'

'Stop it. I can't do this right now, I need some time to process.' She pulled away from him.

'Andy….'

'I can't even look at you right now Sam, not without seeing the two of you together' she said desperately. The thought was sickening. Just the image of Sam kissing someone else, Gail running her hands over his chest, him burying his face in her neck. Andy wretched slightly at the thought and stopped herself thinking before she imagined any more and made it worse. She twisted away from him in case she actually threw up. He tried to take hold of her hand but she stopped him.

'Let go of me!' she insisted and brushed past him, heading for home. He watched her march off into the night before turning and banging his forehead against his truck a few times. He'd ruined everything. Again.

* * *

**Let me know what you think! How will Andy confront Gail - girl fight maybe? You'll have to wait and see!**


	3. Chapter 3

Andy slowly lowered her self into the bath. She had never felt so emotionally exhausted before in her life. She'd made her way home eventually, having to stop to catch her breath a few times after stumbling, unable to see properly through the stream of tears that fell persistently. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to eat, or sleep. Or breathe. She jus felt cold. Cold and empty. And it killed her that Sam had done that to her again. He'd taken her heart and crushed it for the second time. How could he do that?

The bath was warm and would have been incredibly inviting on a normal day, after a hell of a shift. But tonight Andy sunk into the water out of necessity not desire. She'd been curled up on the sofa, wrapped in a blanket, trying to clear the images from her head by watching mind-numbing tv and switching off to the world. It hadn't worked. She'd opened a bottle of wine. That hadn't worked either. A bath seemed like her last chance to fight the overwhelming coldness she felt running through her veins. She needed to feel it. Feel some heat inside her. And seeing as the one person who could bring sparks to her skin in an instant was the cause of her problem in the first place, she knew it was a bath or nothing.

* * *

Some time later, Andy dragged her self out of the now cool water and trudged into her bedroom. She opened a draw in her dresser to find something comfy to wear and started to cry all over again. Her comfy drawer consisted of sweats and t-shirts. Sam's t-shirts. There was that knife again, slowly twisting in her chest, keeping her lungs from processing air. She had to sit down. This was going to be a long night.

_This is stupid, _Andy told herself. _You left him, for six months. You didn't ask him to wait for you. You didn't even tell him you were going. So why are you crying yourself into a hole when you have no right to? He's not even yours anymore!_ It was the truth, but it was hard to hear, even if she was thinking it herself. She isn't with Sam anymore. Technically he's single, so why should it matter that he slept with Gail. He had every right to. Andy knew why it hurt. It hurt because she loves him. And apparently he loves her. And people who love each other don't do that.

She had to stop thinking about this. It wasn't going to help. She still had to get up and go to work. Face the music. She just hoped she could avoid as many people as possible – especially him.

* * *

As luck would have it Andy managed to avoid almost everyone on her way to the locker rooms that morning. Everyone apart from the one person who might actually make her feel better. The one person she could say what she was thinking to, get some stuff off her chest. That would be Traci, right? Wrong. Not today. Today Andy wanted to talk to Gail. Gail Peck - The ex-best friend, and the one person who would just have to stand there and take it while Andy threw whatever the hell was on her mind, right into that bitch's face. People talk of a girl code between friends when it comes to break-ups and exes. Looks like Gail never got the memo. Andy was going to make sure that changed.

Gail was sat on a bench below her locker, tying her shoelaces as Andy walked in.

'Hey' she offered cheerily. Andy didn't say anything, she just turned her back on Gail and began to undress quickly, pulling her uniform into place hastily so she could say what she had to say to Gail's face.

'Andy, are you okay?' Gail probed gently, sensing something was wrong.

Finishing with her last button, Andy turned and closed the space between them. 'You can drop the act Gail. I know.'

Gail gulped. She was going to say _know what?_ But one look at Andy's expression must have told her that was a bad move.

'I'm sorry,' she mumbled feebly.

'How could you, Gail? I mean, the one person in my life that really mattered to me, and you wait for the only time I turn my back and you jump him. I never knew you could be such a slut!' Andy spat the words at her.

'Andy I'm sorry.'

'Stop saying that. You're not sorry! You're never sorry about anything. You're a Peck. Your family is all the same. Self-centred and chauvinistic. You see what you want and you go after it, you take no prisoners and stomp on as many hearts as you like. And you _just don't care_. You're a bitch, Gail. A stone-hearted bitch!'

Gail's face crumpled, stung by Andy's words. She struggled to hold back the tears that were filling her eyes. She'd cried enough over this situation, she refused to cry anymore. She was gonna stand there and take it. Hell, she deserved every line Andy was throwing at her. Doesn't mean it didn't hurt though.

'I never thought a friend of mine could do something like that to me,' Andy continued. 'You _knew_ I loved him. Hell, you even know he loved me to. And yet you found your way into his pants before you even considered how many people you'd hurt! I mean, what about Nick? Does he even know yet!?' Andy stopped for a breath and Gail jumped in while she had the chance.

'Andy just stop for a minute, please. Listen to me. I want to explain,' Gail pleaded.

'No Gail, why the hell should I!? You're not God. You can't just play with people's lives like this and get away with it. You've fucked up everything, Gail.'

Andy paused and decided to give Gail a chance to respond.

'You're right. You're completely right, you always are. You're always the good girl, doing everything the right way, making the tough decisions and coming out on top. That's what I'm supposed to be like. I'm a Peck. Yeah. And the expectation that comes with that name is insane. I know you won't believe any of this but I'm going to say it anyway. I slept with Sam. I shouldn't have, but I did. And it was the biggest mistake of my life. I've honestly never regretted anything more. This last six months has been hell for me. Every time I see him I see your face. I see that exact look you're giving me now. You're crushed. And I did that to you. And I am so incredibly sorry. I can say it again and again for days but it's never gonna make it alright. I slept with Sam. It was me, it was all me. I instigated it, he had no choice, he was so drunk. And I can't stand here and watch and listen to you as you tear yourself apart because of one mistake I made. I'm the bad guy Andy. Me. You are such a good person, you so do not deserve the pain I've caused you. And neither does Sam. You deserve to be together, you're good together. And I got in the way of that. And I will spend as long as it takes trying to make it up to you, to both of you. But please, Andy. Please don't take this out on Sam. I'm the bitch. Hate me, but not Sam.

'Stop saying his name,' Andy croaked, tears streaming down her cheeks. 'I never want to hear you say his name again. I can't even bear to think about the two of you together. I mean, was it worth it? Did he give you a good fuck? Is that why you did it? Sample the goods, see what you're friends are getting. Is Nick not enough for you Gail? Did you come after my man because you don't want yours anymore, huh?'

'Andy please, it was just meaningless sex. I don't even know why I did it. He was just there and I needed to be close to someone, and I think he did too.'

'So you're saying Sam did want it to happen too?'

'Andy, I'm trying to explain. This is really hard. I instigated it and Sam didn't say no. But I knew he didn't want me. He wanted you, Andy. He's always wanted you, from the moment he met you. Everyone can see it, its all over his face.'

'Doesn't change the fact that he slept with you, and probably enjoyed it. Little slut like you probably taught him a few tricks, huh?'

'Jesus, Andy. Seriously, listen to yourself, this isn't you!'

Andy just scoffed and stared her down.

'Do I actually have to say this to you? We were so drunk it barely lasted two minutes. He called your name the entire time. If I wasn't so drunk I'd have been humiliated. But I didn't care, I was off my face. We both were. So please, will you just listen when I say it didn't mean anything!'

'He called my name?'

Gail nodded.

'I think that makes it worse.' Andy recoiled from her position leaning over Gail, and plonked herself on the bench behind her, resting her elbows on her knees and letting her face fall into her hands. She felt sick.

'I still don't get how you could do that. To me or Nick,' she whimpered.

'It was the worst choice of my life.'

Gail had moved to sit next to Andy.

'I need some space right now Gail, can you just….leave me alone please.'

Gail nodded slowly and moved to leave the room.

'Andy?'

Andy raised her head slowly.

'I know I have no right to ask this, but please, can you not tell Nick? I think its something he has to hear from me.'

'You sleep with the man I love, and then ask me to keep it a secret from my best friend?'

'Please Andy.'

'I don't owe you anything Gail. But I wouldn't hurt Nick, not like you hurt me. So I won't tell him. But if he asks, I won't lie to him. That's as much as I'll promise you.'

'Thank you,' Gail said, relief washing over her for a moment. She took another step towards the door. 'I really am sorry Andy,' she said with one last look at her friend.

Andy just looked at her blankly and dropped her face back into her hands.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Firstly, I am SO sorry that it's taken me this long to update! I had most of this chapter written for ages and it just took me a long time to finish it. Life caught up with me. I'm doing a degree, have some sympathy ;)

Secondly, I hope you like it. Reviews are always good, you always let me know if I'm going in the direction you want with the story, and that's what I like to hear!

Lastly, the next chapter is also half written, so it shouldn't be so long before the next update. Stay tuned!

(Please tell me other people are dying from withdrawal symptoms. Thursdays are not the same anymore!)

***Disclaimer*****: **I do not own Rookie Blue.

* * *

After taking a few moments to steady her breathing and wash her face, Andy left the locker room and went in search of coffee. Boy did she need it! Her fight with Gail had taken the last of her energy, she hadn't exactly slept well the night before. Now Andy just wanted to focus on getting through the day, avoiding Sam, and curling up in her bed again to try and block out the world.

She'd listened to what Gail had to say, and she'd thrown enough insults at her friend to get the message across that Gail had thoroughly screwed up. But she was determined she would keep her promise. She wouldn't tell Nick unless he asked. It was the least Andy could do to lessen the pain it would cause him when he did eventually find out. Throughout the whole six months undercover they'd become such close friends and would tell each other practically every thought they had. Which meant that most of the time they were discussing Sam and Gail. Urghh. Even the sound of their names next to each other made Andy flinch.

She remembered the times when she and Nick would be lounging around on a Sunday afternoon undercover, nothing to do and nowhere to go. Andy would do the crossword in the newspaper, or read a book, but Nick was different. He spent every one of those afternoons writing letters. Letters he would never send, to Gail. He'd write his thoughts to her, whenever he missed her, if something had happened that day that he thought would make her laugh, if he'd cooked something remotely edible that he knew she'd like – or that he could torture her with, like that drink she made him try that time. He told Andy everything he wrote down, and she thought it was possibly the sweetest and most romantic thing she'd ever heard of. Nick said he got the idea from an army buddy who used to do the same thing to keep himself sane on tour, except that guy had actually been able to send his letters. Andy could tell that with every letter Nick wrote the more painful it became that he couldn't see Gail, or pick up the phone and hear her voice. It wasn't helped by the fact that Nick and Andy had to act as a couple for their cover. They could pretend quite convincingly, its not like they weren't attractive people, their bodies reacted naturally. But there was never a romantic connection between them. They'd kiss and each of them could tell that they weren't thinking about each other in that moment. It all came down to one thing. They were both in love with other people. People they couldn't be with. And it hurt like hell.

Those miserable nights undercover when she was missing Sam were some of the worst nights of her life, but the pain she felt then was nothing compared to the pain of the previous night that she'd spent reliving her own thoughts of Sam in bed with Gail. That was something she knew would haunt her for a very long time, and it didn't help that she knew it would hurt Nick just as much. She wanted to be there for him when he found out, but right now she was such a mess herself that they'd probably not be able to comfort each other if they tried. But Andy wasn't someone to give up easily. She'd call Nick that evening, she decided, and check if Gail had told him. If she hadn't then so help that woman she would know what pain felt like, because Andy wouldn't prolong Nick's pain any more than she had to, for his sake.

* * *

The day went pretty quickly all things considered. She was on patrol with Chris, which was the best option she could have hoped for. Andy knew that as much as Chris might want to, he would never pester her with questions about something he knew was upsetting her. He was a good friend.

Andy had bumped into Gail again at the barn when she was grabbing her stuff from her locker. Neither one had said anything, but Andy gave Gail a look that she hoped would convey her anger and persuade Gail that it was now or never to tell Nick. All she could do was sit back and wait to see if she did.

* * *

Later that evening, Gail and Nick stood outside the apartment she shared with Dov. Nick had driven her home from the Penny and Gail realised that she would have to tell him when they got to hers, or she wouldn't get another chance. She had to tell him. She'd spent the entire evening going over what she wanted to say to him, how she'd phrase it. Hell, she'd spent the last six months planning it. But as they say in the movies, the minute he was stood before her waiting to hear what she had to say, her mouth went dry and she couldn't force the words out.

Nick placed a hand on her waist and drew her towards him.

'Gail, just say it. Whatever it is, please. The suspense is killing me,' he said with a chuckle.

'Please don't laugh' Gail pleaded with him, wriggling from his grasp and taking a step back again. Nick's face straightened out immediately, realising that what she had to say was not a good thing, her expression told him that much.

'Gail, what is it? Tell me.'

'I don't want you to hate me.'

'Tell me Gail.'

Gail paused, took a deep breath and looked down at her feet.

'I slept with someone.'

Nick blinked furiously, a blank look on his face.

'When?' he asked.

'Six months ago. The night you went under cover.'

He looked wounded by that.

'Who?'

'Nick I'm not telling you who right now. It doesn't matter.'

'I want to know.'

'You'll kill him.'

'I need to know, Gail.'

She shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. 'I've ruined everything already, I don't want to make it any worse right now.'

'GAIL', Nick barked, 'Tell me.'

'It was Sam,' she whimpered. A single tear rolled down Nick's face and his mouth was gaped open, frozen in place. He looked like someone had just stabbed him in the back. It was a look of pain. Pure pain.

'Why?' he croaked out, trying and failing to keep the emotion out of his voice.

'I don't know. I was drunk. I've never regretted anything more in my life.' Gail tried to reason with him.

'Swarek. Of all….wait, does Andy know?' Nick asked, a look of worry crossing his features.

'She found out last night I think. She shouted at me this morning.'

'Is she okay?' Nick asked.

'I don't think so. It's breaking her apart.' Gail sobbed, finally succumbing to her emotions.

Nick looked at her pointedly. 'I wonder why' he mused, 'She loves him. As much as I love you. And you've ruined it. You, and Sam. Both of you. Ruined it. How am I supposed to look at you now, after I know what you've done. Did you think neither of us would find out, is that why you did it?'

'NO Nick. I didn't plan for this to happen. I wish it hadn't. I would give anything to undo it but…'

'But you can't Gail. This isn't something you can take back. You will never be able to change this. You're always gonna be the one who broke your best friend's heart and shattered mine.'

'Don't Nick.'

'Don't what? Don't tell you the truth? Andy might have felt the need to shout at you, but I don't think you're worth that. I've always known what you were like Gail. I asked you to marry me once. I know you. But even I never thought you would do something this despicable.'

Gail sobbed.

'I don't know you at all' he said, more tears running down his cheeks. He turned and climbed into his car.

And then he was gone.

* * *

Sam sat on his sofa, pen in one hand, beer in the other, and paper resting on his knee. He'd never been very good with words, especially when it came to telling Andy how he felt. It was his only barrier, the way he kept the world out of his head. He couldn't get hurt if no one knew what would hurt him. Or that's what he thought. What he hadn't bargained for was the possibility that he would hurt himself. He was so goddamn stupid! He had the woman of his dreams, someone so much better than he deserved. He wasn't perfect, he'd never pretended to be, but he was perfect for her. He could see that, it showed in everything they'd done together. They just worked. And he'd broken it. That was his skill. Messing things up, over and over again. Only this time he really couldn't see a way to fix it. Andy was so precious to him. He felt like he'd taken his own heart and stamped on it. Why would anyone do that to their self? Masochistic. That was he was. He'd slept with Gail. Gail, of all people! What on earth had possessed him to do that!? He didn't even like Gail. She was just there, there when he needed someone. There when he needed Andy, and she was gone. Just like now. Gone. And he desperately wanted, no, needed her back. And that's what the pen was for. He was going to write it all down. Every single thought, no matter how jumbled. She'd always said she wanted to know what went through his head. Well, she was going to get her wish. All he could do was pray that it helped.

* * *

**A/N: **What's Sam going to say in his letter? Let me know if you have any prompts you want included and I'll do my best! Reviews are good!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **As promised, a quick update! Hope you like what I did with the letter. Let it rip in the review box if you don't (or if you did).

***Disclaimer*: **I do not own Rookie Blue.

* * *

Andy stirred at the sound of her phone buzzing. She stretched across the bed to grab it. A text from Sam met her eyes. She was tempted to just delete it straight away, but something inside her nagged her to open it.

_Come to the door. I've delivered something for you. Please, Andy. All I'm asking for is a chance to explain. I love you. Xxx_

Andy was torn. On the one hand she wanted to give him a chance, maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she thought. But on the other, he has slept with Gail. _Gail Peck. _That was unforgivable. Surely nothing he said could repair that?

Begrudgingly she made her way to her front door. The least she could do was see what he'd delivered for her. She was intrigued.

* * *

What she found, sat on the floor half way under her door, was a single white envelope with her name scrawled on the front. Just the sight of Sam's writing made her heart skip a beat involuntarily. It wasn't natural for one man to have this kind of hold over her, was it? Whether it was natural or not, Andy didn't like it. Not in that moment. Not when she was trying to be angry with him. Not when he was the one who she had cried herself to sleep over less than two hours before.

Reluctantly she tore open the paper and unfolded the sheets inside. She instantly knew that whatever he'd written must have been important. He'd taken up a few sheets of paper, and getting Sam to put anywhere close to that amount of thought into something meant that it was serious. She scanned the pages briefly before she began to read. She took a big gulp and started from the top.

_Andy,_

_I know you're angry with me right now. You have every right to be. I deserve your anger. What I did was horrible. And if you'd done it to me I'd be jut as angry. But more than that, I'd be so incredibly hurt, and heartbroken. And knowing you as well as I do, I know that you're probably already crying reading this. And just the thought of you crying because of me makes me want to cry too. Not that I'd ever normally admit that. But what you make me feel isn't normal, Andy. I've never felt as strongly about anybody else in my life. You do weird things to my heart McNally. I don't think it even belongs to me. You carry it with you wherever you go. And it's becoming a burden, I can see. You took it with you when you went under. I see that now. I wasn't thinking when I slept with Gail. I never would have done it if I'd been sober. I never want to touch another woman again. I only want you. And I know I have no right. Not anymore. Probably never again. And that breaks my heart even more. _

_There's a piece of me that thinks I shouldn't be writing you this letter. I shouldn't be telling you everything in my head right now. But if I don't, then that piece of me is going to burst. Because it's the biggest piece of me. It's the piece that doesn't want to hurt you, the piece that loves you more than anything in the world. I love you more than my own life, and that's what I've ruined by breaking your heart again. I've ruined my life, and I've ruined yours. And I can't take it back. I can't fix it. And I want to, so much. I want to more than anything else. I want to be able to hold you in my arms and make your pain go away, to rock you to sleep and see your beautiful face when you wake again. _

_But that's selfish, because no matter how hard I try, I always hurt you. I'm no good for you Andy. I'm not perfect. But you deserve perfect. You deserve better than me. So much better. And I can't be that. I can't ask you to forgive me, because I'd be asking you too much, and I don't want to demand anything from you again. I can't ruin your life anymore. I will never be more sorry that I am right now. _

_But I'm hoping that there is a piece of you, no matter how small, that still loves me. It's a lot to ask, I know. But I'm still hoping. And I'm hoping that despite all the pain I've caused you, that the piece of you is as masochistic as I am. Because I want that piece of you to be strong enough, and pure enough, to forgive me anyway._

_I know I'm asking too much. _

_But if that piece exists, I want you to open your door right now. Because I'm outside, and I want to take you in my arms and hold on to you. And never let you go. Because I love you Andy. _

_More than you will ever know. _

_I just hope it's enough._

_All my love, always. _

_Sam_

_Xxx_

Andy was sobbing by the time she reached the end of the letter. Every line had made her cry harder, if that was even possible. Seeing him spill his thoughts like that was heart breaking. And if she wasn't already broken by his actions, she would have been broken by his words. Of course she still loved him. She couldn't just stop loving him overnight. But what she didn't know is if the piece of her that loved him could be as strong as he needed it to be. Could she really open up her door and let him in to trample on her heart all over again? There was a limit to the number of times she could let someone hurt her. Her mother had done a pretty good job of messing her up. And Sam had added to that when he broke her heart for the first time. It had taken a lot to get over that. But this? This was worse. A lot worse. She'd never felt so betrayed in her life. Could she really trust him again?

Right now, all Andy knew was that it hurt. And the one thing that could make it better and worse at the same time was on the other side of her door. What she needed to decide was whether Sam was worth it. Was he worth the pain all over again?

She knew her answer before she could register her movements. She'd sunk to the floor while she read the letter, leaning her back against the wall, next to her door. She knelt and twisted the handle before she knew it. He was there. Sat on the floor with his head between his knees opposite her flat. He looked up at the sound of the door opening. His eyes were slightly red and puffed as if he'd been crying. That was something she'd never seen before. She'd never seen Sam Swarek cry.

He caught sight of her face, tearstained and flushed from crying. He looked like a broken man.

'I could hear you through the door' Sam whispered, his gravelling voice so low she barely heard him. 'I never want to hear you cry like that again Andy. I never want to hurt you like that. I should never have hurt you in the first place!'

'Shhhhh' Andy encouraged him. She beckoned him over towards her and they met in the middle, just outside her door. Both kneeling. The moment she was within reaching distance of him, Sam's arms snaked around her waist and the rest of the world no longer mattered. He told her more with that hug than in the whole of his letter. He held her so tight, impossibly tight to his chest, never wanting to let her go. She felt loved. And despite everything that had happened, that was all that mattered in that moment.

Sam loved her.

* * *

**A/N: **Should Andy forgive him that easily though? Let me know what you think!


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